The period of rejoicing has come to a screeching halt! I haven't been too happy lately. Yeah, the breakup with Dave has a lot to do with my unhappiness, but not entirely. I just didn't think that things would've been this hard without him. He wasn't even that good to me. I guess I was attached to knowing that I had him, when in reality I really didn't. I was fucked over. Plain and simple. I was lied to. He'd fill my head with all these dreams that I honestly never saw, but I still hoped! I went from being his everything to just a girl he talks to and fucks. Everyone knew but me. How tragic. How cold. ::sighs:: Embarrassing.

I'm not too sure if I want to be in a relationship again anytime soon. I'm not too sure if I want to be in love again. It's not worth the risk. This relationship has left me with a permanence of issues that I feel will never be sorted out. I don't trust anyone anymore. I feel that my sense of judgment is weak. I'm always in fear of the worst. So much that I'm unable to enjoy my life as it is. I am not happy, and things are not advancing. I'm stuck in a rut that seems impossible to get out of. Yet, I still love him. Stockholm Syndrome, maybe? I love him more than I have before, and it's strange. I don't want to because it makes me feel like a fool. It's like the more he hurts me, the deeper my love for him goes. Pathetic.

Heartbroken? Ouch.